i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
