a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
