I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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