if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize