3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
