the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
