Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
