My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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