I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
