NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
