The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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