we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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