bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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