So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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