Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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