Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
