spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
