My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize