Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
