When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
