Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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