Dual....:-)
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
