why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
