Quick, to the slutcave!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
