I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
