i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
