Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
