Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize