I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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