saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
