everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
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