we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
