His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
