Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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