hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
