Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
