By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
