I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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