I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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