Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
