____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
