She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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