the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
