May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
