its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
