I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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