I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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