do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
