if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
