I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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