Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
