i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize