SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
