Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
