Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize