I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
