shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She tied me up with her honor cords...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
