where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
