My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Randomize
