Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
