Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
