We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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