I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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