All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
