well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize