Ketchup is God's man juice
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Blood and glitter go together right?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
