I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize