i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize