do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
as a side note pls kill me
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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