she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
