I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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