Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
