u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize