that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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