her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
