i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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